In lue of the fabulous book I am reading ever so slowly as to savor every last concept it has on it's pages and in hopes of retaining some of it and not having flow out of my brain the second it hits the bookshelf for storing, is this post.
It's about be honest. I feel like my life is a whirl wind of some honesty and some dishonesty. Not lies in general but ideas about what my life entails. I mean how honest are we really with ourselves about the situation we are in. I am have been trying since Beckett was born to take it all in stride and to look at only the positive and wonderful parts of having children. And trust me-it is. It is nothing like I thought it would be it's a hundred times better and easier. But still at the same time that creepy monster that lurks under your bed after the blessed event of a newborn won't leave your doorstep! After all is said and done and you carried the baby against all odds, you survived the pregnancy, the delivery, the first weeks.. the adjustment and then that evil monster creeps up in your heater vents. You run the fan as so you can maybe blow him around and not let his dust settle on you furniture but he inevitably lands again and you have to deal with his presence. That dirty little invisible monster we call post partum depression. He won't leave my stinking house. He comes up the vents I shoo him away with a trip to the mall, he comes up the drain, I kick his butt with an outing with my friends, it seems no matter what ways I try to keep him back with whatever restraining order he finds his way in through some mouse hole or crack. Now that is a mouse that Lucy can't seem to catch and Sparta can't seem to bark away. I mean if I ask other's if they see the monster they will just think I am crazy and roll their eyes, "Oh boy, here we go." The world and everyone one in it swirls around and around oblivious to the real truth I am battling. I can't sit for fear he will find a place on my lap so I clean, I blog, I read, I bath, I talk and talk and talk and talk... just don't mention his presence because-I mean-does it really matter won't my selfish needs just foster resentment amongst others or whispers as I turn my back? Is it really considered a real thing? We ignore the things we don't understand. And we only see the things we want to. And we purposely don't look the scary monsters that are in our lives in the eye for fear of the truths they are.
Anyways I think my inner personal cheerleader just took a little vacation, maybe she went on a trip to California to compete in Nationals....
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Monsters In My House
Posted by Toni at 9:21 AM
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5 comments:
Don't let that monster get you down, but it is a real monster and I would never roll my eyes at such a thing.
Not that I have ever experienced post partum, but truly it affects so many moms.
I think you are doing exactly what you should. Keep on going, reading, blogging, hanging with friends. It seems like when the monster creeps up the best way to knock him down is to keep on doing things you enjoy.
You know where to find me if you ever need to chat, I believe that if we are true with ourselves and those around we will all get along better in this life. Being candid is important to me, hopefully others can learn from me and more importantly I learn so much from otrhers....especially you. Your honesty is refreshing. Especially in a place where it is not condoned.
Monsters can come in many ways, shapes, and forms. I believe everyone has them, and everyone has to battle against them. Even when we don't think they're there, they're simply hiding around the corner, or sneaking up quietly behind us. And the truths these monsters hide, can be scary. But we have to face them, and we have to battle them.
As for me, I'm not courageous enough to look these monsters in the eye, or even really admit they're there. So props to you for recognizing and admitting there is a monster. And I believe you're doing a great job...stay busy, keep yourself focused on the positive, but don't forget that sometimes you need to let it out. And chances are, whoever you let it out to, will be grateful for the chance to admit they also have a monster.
You're wonderful!
Toni--I hope you feel like you can talk about these monsters and not feel like you are being judged--ppd is definitely a real thing that a lot of women get--you are a great mom, and don't let the monsters get you down!
I totally understand what your saying, I think you're doing great! I'm with you, do whatever you can to fend off the PPD. And then one day you'll realize you made it through, the window of time that it creeps in will be over. Love you Toni, call me when ever you want. I too am always looking for more to occupy myself with.( Not that it's really that difficult these days! lol)
I so know where you're coming from. I have been so worried about PPD. I got it after I had Jaxon and I think the only thing that saved me is that the holidays came and I had no time to think about it. I am really worrying about it this time though. I have talked to my husband about it repeatedly. There are so many joys of new babies, but the FEAR of getting PPD again is making me scared for my new one to get here. I have even thought about blogging about it and seeing if anyone can give me ideas on how to deal with it. I think I just might do that. Anyway, hang in there! We'll do a play date this week.
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