Post Holiday Recap

Well here is my photo Christmas recap. First off is Piper's big present, a Hello Kitty camera that she constantly eyed and carried around at the camera store every time we went in. Next is Beck's first dump truck, a momentous occasion luckily a captured memory (see the camera is paying for itself!). Then there is me and my peanut who is really wishing Jake was holding him, then my brother, a quick pose before he got tree from my grandmas tree, thus the explanation for the snow fall. Next, we could not forget or fail to mention Piper's CHRISTMAS DRESS. Then how can we have a merry day without me, first thing in the morning spreading my peace about, and that is about it everyday.. joyous peaceful Toni first thing in the morning. ( I had to throw it in to balance out all the de wrinkle post editing I do of myself). The last two are me playing around with my father in law's tube extensions.. these things are awesome and now part of my NAS syndrome that I caught from him. They allow to get super super close .. thus my reflection in a green ornament that I couldn't get with my 50mm properly. Ah what a merry Christmas indeed.

HO HO HO

Christmas Party

Last night the gals had our Christmas party, it was so much fun! I mean doesn't it just look like fun! Pajamas, babies, food, games, and trying to get us all in a picture and then laughing at the outcome. Luckily we got some where we all look normal. (And I made it in in time!) Ah it was a good time. I love love love these gals. We are so lucky to have each other and the bonds that we have. We have seen in each other in so many stages of life... one more Christmas down, a whole bunch more to come!

Snow-HO HO

The snow is awesome, all except for my husband driving a sled to and from work today (i.e. Prius). But yay.. HO HO HO three more days. Kids are so fun for Christmas. I mean if you don't have kids, have them just for this reason! I also love the excuse to not do anything and spend money. Kids are the best. Oh in case you don't read the photo blog, Beckett took steps, thanks Jake! for nothing. It is breaking my heart that he is so old. So sad. Why do the dads want them to grow up? I want him to lay and be a baby forever! Then I don't have to be faced with the decision of when to have another one (the last one?). If he is just a baby and time stands still then all is well. How sad will all this be when I know it will be my last little baby? I might just have a million so I don't have to face it. Anyway HAPPY SNOW DAY! Even in Oregon.

Snow Day In OR

This is funny.. Kate, my cousin, sent this showing their intense snow day. No work, for this!!

OOOH AAAAH HOOOWW CUTE!

Our first family pictures. My mentor and answer my every question friend, Erin, (www.erinlangford.com) took some sort of spur of the moment pictures the other day. I figured if I am really doing this photography thing I better be a good example and send out some cards, and figure out the whole thing, templates, papers...So here are some for your judgement and enjoyment. And again.. I edited them so if you hate it, don't blame her! (Her pictures need way less editing than mine!)


P.S. NO I am not pregnant even though that last one might spread rumors. I just was just trying to eat enough Cutler's sugar cookies, and then I figured out that it's not possible.

2003

2008




Happy Anniversary to us!



Thanks erinlangford.com
for the recent pictures.

A Word To Start Of The Week

I have been thinking a lot about confidence. I believe that confidence is key in being successful in a lot of aspects of life. Let me rephrase that.. in MOST aspects of life.

People are drawn to confident people, just notice our celebrity infatuation. We are drawn to people who exhibit the things that sometimes we fail to uphold. We are all at times insecure. Even the most seemingly confident people have their insecure moments. They are just better actors than others. I think in business, parenting, partnerships, and everyday interactions the key is confidence. No one wants a anything that isn't secure in what they are doing. (And if you are not-FAKE IT). Many people are more successful in life not because they are better at a given skill, but because they are more confident. They get the job over the more skilled person because of their people skills and the confidence they portray in their interactions. I always and often unsuccessfully try to pursue this. Sometimes I talk to people and don't feel it so I fake it.

We are constantly selling ourselves to others in a way. To our children with our discipline, to our clients, to our class we are teaching, in our phone calls, and often to the cable company negotiating a lower monthly bill. In order to get people to buy what we are selling we have to appear sure of ourselves. If there is one thing I believe I am good at, is pretending to be. Of course no one is always secure. My self esteem and self worth is always fluctuating on a given day, in a given moment. I think it's how we handle ourselves and convince people to buy what we are selling that matters.

Seriously?

What is up with Beckett's temper tantrums? I think he has been storing them in for ten months. GRRRR.. All I need, two kids with temper tantrums!

Back To Work

The weekend is over and it's back to work, school, editing, and cleaning. But it was a nice weekend filled with good things and thankful thoughts. I'll spare you the details on all the things I am thankful for, unless you really want to know.. it goes something like this: family, friends, food, MAC makeup, roof over my head, Mr. Blanky, food, and my wealth.. I mean health. You get the jist, right. Anyway I did listen to some Christmas music and do some shopping so I am so in the Christmas spirit! Now it's time to get in the right Christmas spirit.

Here's my little peanut. There are more pictures over there if you so feel inclined to partake of his cuteness ----------->

Thought By Me

I think motherhood is the strangest adventure. I was out with my friends talking about life with them and I just couldn't help but appreciate the fact that we are all in the same stage and going through the same thing. It's just such an adventure and such a trying thing. It changes one day to the next. One day you are on top of the world.. house clean, kids behaved, birthday parties planned, homework done. You feel like maybe you finally get it and are doing a good job. The next day the house is a mess, you are trying to accomplish something you need to and can't, you feel like crap, they won't nap, people around you aren't happy with you. Respect fluctuates, motivation fluctuates, hormones trying to balance again.. Can't something just stay consistent? Oh.. wait.. it does. There cute faces and sweet smell. What a fun adventure. And a meaningful one.

P.S. My birthday is Sunday. I am going to be 27. And I am so glad I am going out with my friends that I was friends with ten years ago! So cool... OH and I am joining the 17 year olds to see Twilight. And also.. I am so going to go order me a fancy cake.
Thanks to my Texas gal for making me realize that birthdays ARE important and awesome and we must make it so and not be ashamed if you think so!

Oh Why Not?

Oh why not post more? These were all pictures my father in law took.. it's really fun getting someone else's photos and no, not because I am in them. Different points of view. Anyway it was so fun I just want to go again and again! And here is my super awesome witch hat and outfit which is a must see. We all got cool witch hats at this great store in Bountiful on Main Street, All Tucked In, and we made tutus. Hopefully you can see my ultra attractive black lipstick and my uncomfortable eyelashes. I did have glasses but there is only one close up that would maybe give you nightmares, so I'll spare you. And for the record I am not shooting a dumb seagull I was shooting some crap on the pole.. Anyway that is it for the Disneyland photos.

Birthday Girl

Piper turned three this week and it was a partay.. let me tell you what. The party never stopped. This girl gives you a run for your money when it comes to birthdays. Thanks for all that came and partied with us and all the generous gifts. Hopefully the third year will be filled with just as many cute sayings, but less temper tantrums. .. (One can dream.)

Disneyland Minutes

I put up some pictures from our vacation but I am sorry if you want to see them go over to the other blog ------------>
because I am so too lazy to repost them and both kids are asleep and I have a new episode of Gossip Girl to watch so I gotta go!

Day At The Farm

We finally made it to the farm! We had been trying to go forever, so at least we made it. The tractor driver even recovers shoes there, so we highly recommend it. Sorry Ash that you missed the group photo. I love this first action shot of Brogan, it's awesome. But I am glad we all went it was nice to see those of you that our play dates have been suffering.

This Cage We Call The World

"We are like rats in a cage and the cage is the world."

My professor said this last night.. (for those of you who are new to the blog, yes I am still in school. I love school. Hate homework and tests, but love school and am slowly but surely getting a degree. Too little studying at USU.) So this is why I love going to school... for thoughts like this put out there unknowingly by a intellectual pompous professor (why is it the more you know, the more you think you know.. shouldn't it be the opposite?). Thoughts that make you think, ones that make you realize things outside your small head and naive world. If you study behavior you will see that we are all just a product, to a large extent, based on our surroundings. We are rats in a cage trying to survive in our surroundings. We adapt to the surroundings whether it may mean religion, marriage, language, goals, hobbies, etc. Just something to think about. We are the way we are for many reasons, I will not profess to explain or put one reason or even three on why we are what we are. I do think it's interesting, often disturbing, and very educational to admit that we have the tendency to be rats in a cage. We are conditioned to respond to things, to find importance or unimportance in things, to see things, to buy things, to become things, often for the wrong reasons... and we may not even know it. We are taught, we learn what life is...by our surroundings.
Which brings me to another topic I have been pondering (yes, there is more). The importance of location brings into play our cage. I do not venture very far outside of my city. Have you seen the trees here? Anyway...this is where I spend 95% of my life. I have really enjoyed it here. I have made a family, best friends even. My neighborhood is almost becoming a family outside of my family. There are people here I truly love and especially admire. I feel that they keep me grounded.. we live in a place famous for down to earth people and people with real roots. These things rub off on you. I see these people often. Most even by choice. I just think I am so lucky to have found this place, been put here on purpose, because I never really realized in my house desperation how important the cage the house is in is when shopping for a house. These people around you could watch your kids when you need a break, run with you, vent with you, empathize for you, come to your kids' birthday parties, come in your house without you there, become your second hand grocery store, borrow you wine-if you're lucky :) TO COOK WITH, CHILL OUT.
Anyway to sum it all up.. If we are rats in a cage and the cage is the world. I sure am glad my cage is here in my little Hansel Gretel, weird swirly painted posts, jamaican house. (You'd have to see it to understand.)

This is what I want to say to Piper this morning.. Breakfast? Clothes? Bath? Dress my baby? Get this? Drink? SORRY I CAN'T... TOO TIRED.

Another sleepless night with Beckett. I tell ya.. This kid does not sleep. Never has, and hopefully will. Nights are like an adventure in our house.

Deep Processing

Ok I have another post today.. since the kids are both asleep, I can not edit, and dinner is already in the slow cooker, and I took a test yesterday so studying is off the list...

I am working on, an never ending journey.. being more centered. We'll call it that for all intensive purposes. I heard somewhere, probably church, that all you need to do is pray... that is where spirituality starts.

I find it so hard to be centered and in tune with what matters most in this world. By centered I mean filled with spirit, down to earth, perspective, quiet, simple, kind and patient. I am so utterly surrounded by competition and people and things trying to tear those around them down. The confusion and insecurity of the world is so contagious. I try so hard to not partake of things, shows, places, people, blogs, websites, etc.. that aren't uplifting, pure, trusting, or spark things in me that I may not be mature or confident enough to be exposed to. But I always fail. My center shifts and I get sucked into the ways of the world and the way it makes me feel or act.

But I always keep on trying. Start back at one. Re commit to finding that center again. List ways to not fall off the fence again and let my mind wander into things that don't matter. Competition, insecurities, expectations, lists, fear, stress. None of that matters.

What does matter is you, your family, doing whats best for them, trying to be better, being still, living simple, being smart, being kind, being a cheerleader for the people you love. Breathe. That is what I am trying to do day in and day out.

Adding To The List Of Things I Never Thought I'd Do...

Been surprising myself over and over again with my so un-Toni like behavior. As these things are piling up in my mind I figured I better jot them down before they are considered part of my long term memory storage retrievable indefinitely.

1) Buy jars for canning.. AND ACTUALLY CAN.
2) Make homemade jam
3) Make a blanket, then buy MORE fabric for another one.
4) Let my daughter paint the town red in a Minnie Mouse costume.
5) Start a business.
6) Plan weeks worth of meals (BORING).
7) Be excited when I only spend 37$ on a weeks worth of dinners.
8) Read my Everyday Food before my Glamour magazine.
9) Rather clean than get ready for the day.
10) Be considering a boob job. Not actually, just thinking how nice it could be......TMI?
11) Run, without being in a hurry or chased by a bad guy.
12) Find something to replace The Oc (ALMOST).
13) Consider being pregnant AGAIN.. not wanting.. just considering it a possibility someday.

TOTALLY RAD!

Yep I can say things like TOTALLY RAD about this. I SAW HER AT THE GATEWAY THIS WEEKEND! Re read it if you don't believe me! Yeah we were there on a special date (thanks Danelle and Alex) and Jake pointed her out and I followed her for a little. SO COOL! Oh Summer, how I miss you..... She must have been shopping for Seth.

BEST DAY EVER! It was seriously so cool. Would have been cooler if she seemed nice though...........

Exposing My Calluses

Ya ever just have one of those crappy days.... I did! Yesterday as a matter of fact. We won't go into details but there was some intense lack of sleep, some puke, some unwillingness to nap, a missed dinner, and a missed party, and a few fits in the store. But on with the point of the post. I was looking through pictures and came across this one this morning... Ah who could have a bad day? I mean does it really matter that I am in constant proximity to both of these cute faces AT ALL TIMES OF EVERYDAY. I mean, at least they are cute.

There is one thing (among the many) I have learned as a mom, that I am retaught and retaught time and time again. Life is not for us anymore, it's for them and the well being of our family. I think that is one of the amazing things about us moms whether we like it or not some of the time we are so strong and often callused. I was thinking of all the ways I have changed in the recent years and one thing that kept coming up was almost that I seemed numb. Not numb in a bad way.. almost like I don't feel like I used to. I believe it's a lot of maturity, but also the fact that my feelings are far down the line pertaining to the feelings and needs that matter. I have learned to deal with them on my own and sometimes just push them aside. I mean they are just after all feelings not high on the list of what is relevant in life. I always thought it was weird that my mom never cried. Like she was callused and didn't feel. But I understand now that I am a mom. It's not that you don't feel it's just that you are callused, strong, mature, and trying to be unselfish. We form those calluses over our thoughts and wants sometimes so that they are more numb and we can ignore them when they sting us with their presence. I think as parents we are so amazing for how much we sacrifice, how little we take care of ourselves sometimes, and how frequently we put asides our needs and just slide them off into never never land. And it's so worth it to give to these cute sweet little faces and the moments when you catch one of them being nice to the other without being told.

Special Moment: My First Tag

I have never done a tag, but my hilarious college friend ,Ashley did this one so I thought hey, I am almost as weird as her so I'll do it too :) I have so many weird things about me this is so easy.

1) I am also OCD with cleaning. I clean the toilet and around the toilet a million times a day, no seriously.. at least three or four times. It will help when I have my own bathroom :) I clean the steering wheel of whatever car I drive before I drive it. I disinfect the remote all the time. I wash everything.. ALOT.

2) I have to have the second Diet Coke bottle back in the line of them at the store. I have done this since walking to Terrace Depot. I started cause I thought it was colder the farther back they were, but now it's just something I have to do because it's unlucky not to..

3) Have to restart the odometer EVERYTIME I get gas. atch out.

4) I must talk to my brother everyday. It weirds me out if he isn't in the top twenty of my phone recent calls when I scroll down.
5) I really like to do laundry. Ironing included.

6) I wear sunscreen, spf 70, on my face, everyday. Rain, snow, shine.. even if I am not going anywhere. I am sort of a freak about the skin on my face.

7) I have to have chocolate everyday. Can be substituted for Cutler's sugar cookies.

My Runner's Analogy

I went for a run the other night, by myself, and so I got to do some reflecting. Throughout the whole summer I have ran with my dear friend. Running without her was not an option because it was too darn hard to go alone and I wouldn't care to make it far enough. That is how it has been since I had Piper, but I went the other night alone. All those early tired mornings after staying up all night with a baby, pushing myself, watching my accomplishments have all led up to that night for me. Running through the leaves in the brisk air alone, quick, multiple miles, no music. A huge accomplishment for me. For some, maybe not so much, but for me to be able to do the miles, at the pace I did, I never would have guessed I'd be there. My grandma always tells me "IT AIN"T EASY." She wrote me a letter and just said that and told me to put it up on my fridge so I can always see it. When she raised her four daughters alone that saying was on her fridge for years.

As such with life. It ain't easy. But it's worth it. I can see that through my running. It wasn't easy, all those early mornings. Most nights I was up with Beckett many times dealing with ear problems, but I went anyways. And now here I am. Addicted, fit, strong, and much more confident in my accomplishments. I think it is with anything that is worth it. It ain't easy.

Throughout every stage in life we encounter things that are hard, no matter their severity. Whether it's the loss of a first love, a broken friendship, marriage adjustments, raising children, selecting worth while friends.. it all at times ain't easy. But with persistence and a clear mind stepping out of the now into the big picture. We can make good decisions and see the long term benefit of whatever we are doing.

So now... I think I'll go for a run before it snows :)

Go here ----------------------------------------------->

See pictures of yesterday.

If This Doesn't Make You Want To Buy A Truck.....

If you let me take pictures of you like this, what do you expect? I thought my brother looked pretty stellar in a suit today so I took the opportunity to take some pictures.. since he is so photogenic and all. I think this could sale some Toyotas, if our family doesn't already own them all.



Sorry for the monotony if you check both blogs, the majority of people only check this one.. so if you check my second blog.. you may see some things twice.