Exposing My Calluses

Ya ever just have one of those crappy days.... I did! Yesterday as a matter of fact. We won't go into details but there was some intense lack of sleep, some puke, some unwillingness to nap, a missed dinner, and a missed party, and a few fits in the store. But on with the point of the post. I was looking through pictures and came across this one this morning... Ah who could have a bad day? I mean does it really matter that I am in constant proximity to both of these cute faces AT ALL TIMES OF EVERYDAY. I mean, at least they are cute.

There is one thing (among the many) I have learned as a mom, that I am retaught and retaught time and time again. Life is not for us anymore, it's for them and the well being of our family. I think that is one of the amazing things about us moms whether we like it or not some of the time we are so strong and often callused. I was thinking of all the ways I have changed in the recent years and one thing that kept coming up was almost that I seemed numb. Not numb in a bad way.. almost like I don't feel like I used to. I believe it's a lot of maturity, but also the fact that my feelings are far down the line pertaining to the feelings and needs that matter. I have learned to deal with them on my own and sometimes just push them aside. I mean they are just after all feelings not high on the list of what is relevant in life. I always thought it was weird that my mom never cried. Like she was callused and didn't feel. But I understand now that I am a mom. It's not that you don't feel it's just that you are callused, strong, mature, and trying to be unselfish. We form those calluses over our thoughts and wants sometimes so that they are more numb and we can ignore them when they sting us with their presence. I think as parents we are so amazing for how much we sacrifice, how little we take care of ourselves sometimes, and how frequently we put asides our needs and just slide them off into never never land. And it's so worth it to give to these cute sweet little faces and the moments when you catch one of them being nice to the other without being told.