Life As A SAHM

As life just keeps keeping on with two kids I find myself constantly reevaluating my life and my purpose. I used to be so proud of our decision to have me stay at home and it was just that: a decision. But now with the two kids it has all the sudden hit me that I really don't have a choice but to stay home, I mean what would I do with my kids? And what would I do that would make enough money to pay for daycare. And how would I manage the guilt of putting my kids in daycare? So as you can see even though I "choose" to stay at home, I really don't have a choice in so many ways. But I will keep referring it to the fact that I "get" to stay at home, and I choose to. Whether or not it's true I will cease to analyze. Speaking of which both kids are crying, one going to sleep, one waking up. No rest for the weary, and by weary I mean fussy baby at 5 a.m. Ok. Crisis averted, thank goodness for the binkie baby.
So even though it may appear I lounge around in my pajama's all day in truth I would just rather not subject my designer jeans to diapers, spit up or Pine Sol. And even though it appears I have time to post on my blog what you don't see is me bouncing a newborn on my lap so I can. I just hope he stays content long enough for me to balance and pay bills. And although you may think I look good and get ready everyday and maybe even have someone important to see, I just get ready so I feel ready even if I don't leave the house. And although the television is on all day...it's on cartoons, and I would give an arm and a leg if it could entertain Gossip Girl or October Road for more than a half hour at a time. So in conclusion I can see how those of you could say we stay at home moms do nothing..It just appears that way, and when we do get to occasionally sit and watch some cheesy unrealistic show about high school students it may or may not make it all worth it :) Which is less personal time than the worker bee gets unless you include commute time, which I do not. So although I am so thankful that I am a stay at home mom and would not have it any other way I think sometimes my inner selfishness and cool girl comes out. The one who gags at the fact that I haven't worn heels in months. (yes, there is some cool in me left.)