Trapped

If I had a dollar for every day in the past year I was stuck home with out a car I would be able to buy a new car. Ok not quite, but it feels that way. This is my new infatuation. Don't you think it fits me? Don't get me wrong, I love the Landcruiser (sarcastic face) but I think this car fits me more. Therefore I am at the point of no return on getting me into a new car. Sometimes being stuck at home with children is worse than prison. Trust me, I have been. Anyway, had to post something other than my kids' faces. Even I get sick of that, not my kids' faces, of course (at least not that I'll admit) but only pictures of them on here.

Random Thoughts

Well me and the spin bike found each other again, and my bottom is still feeling the reunion. How great did it feel to sweat. I dripped, I actually did. It had been almost nine months since I could work out that hard. Granted half the time I had to be out of the saddle TMI? But it was great for 60 minutes it was just me. Me and everything I had in me. No prior obligations, no whining, no yawning just me and my drive to release it all. It was intoxicating. The only stress I felt was figuring out how I am going to make it back to the gym in the weekdays. 5:30 a.m. not being an option. Too bad my belly didn't instantaneously form a six pack and shed all trace of being pregnant a month ago. Maybe next time.

Mom and I went to the Jazz game, pretty much good for analyzing the players and the hair styles of all the women around us, as well as the spray tan sitting next to us. Not sure what blinds me more, the tan or her wedding ring. Good old Steve Brown.
So I was thinking: What am I going to do when Piper doesn't take naps anymore? No rest for the weary I guess.
I think I am going to send my dog under the sea. So Ursula can take out her voice box and black mail her for something. At least she won't be able to bark anymore. And my love for her will grow ten fold. What is it with once we have babies we can't stand our animals? Maybe one too many living creatures needing our attention and depending on us for food.

An Early Start

Looks like Obi is practicing for the future, eh?

Seriously. Seriously. Why do babies sleep all day and not at night? I can't wake Beckett up for anything this morning but he sure was awake all night. But it is amazing how I learn to live on so little sleep. It's like your body just gets used to it. I may live ten young less from chronic lack of sleep, but hey.. that's ten years sooner I will get endless sleep. Oh and what's with binkies, where the heck do they disappear to? They are like socks.
So I was thinking about why we don't speak our minds more. Seems like everyone around me, including me has something to say to someone and just never does. So I was trying to figure out what it is for me... why there are some things I say and some things I don't dare say. I can think of two main reasons this is my theory: one is we are afraid the relationship won't survive the conflict, second is we don't want to admit it ourselves.
For example I have been a kind of bad friend to someone and it was like I couldn't admit and didn't want to admit that I had just gotten too busy and too pregnant and miserable to think about anyone other than myself. So I see some pictures of her and it brings it all to the surface and floods me with regret and nostalgia. I hadn't realized that I didn't want to admit to myself that I wasn't being a good friend. I usually pride myself on being a good friend so this was kind of a hard realization to face. Hard to say it out loud. So once I realized this I had to immediately fix it. Get it out in the open. But I think a lot of the time it's hard to tell people how we really feel and be completely honest because we are afraid to admit to ourselves how we are really feeling and the person we really may be. The truth is easier not said.
Same goes for the other theory of mine, that we are afraid our relationship can't handle the truth, the conflict that would come about if we really said how we felt or really told the truth. And in all honesty any relationship that can't handle the true feelings and honesty isn't really a healthy balanced relationship. If we aren't capable of telling our spouse or friends, or mother or brother or whomever how we feel and be honest is it a relationship that adds to our lives or takes away? Instead we just live with the resentment and it festers inside of us and sometimes poisons the relationship and sometimes doesn't. So I guess it's up to us to decide and to choose our battles. Where is the line between when the truth hurts and when it needs to be put out there?
On my half hour outside of being a mother last night I visited the car wash with Polly (the Prius). Is it a sad thing that I have had a special bond with whatever car wash I live by? It's always been like a refuge. Washing my car (our car) is sort of like this therapy for me. It was more so when I had my own car and my car was like another extension of me, my buddy. So I must be a freak a person who enjoys a good clean car. I mean if you spend thousands of dollars on something shouldn't you take care of it? We take better care of our 200$ dollar Ipods then we do our cars. A clean car is a happy car. My mom always told me a car drives better when it's clean. It's wonder hers even runs at all. LOL just kidding. But I swear as I drove Polly home she was smiling. She too is thankful that I don't have a 20 pound ball strapped to my belly anymore.

My friend Sharstin came over today to do some pictures of the kids, that is one with my camera.. the only good one I took. That is why she does it, because she does such a good job! Too bad Piper was anything but cooperative and Beck peed a few times and pooed once down my shirt and once in her prop. OOPS. It was quite chaotic. I am not feeling super good today. New challenge: two kids and being under the weather. We are hoping Piper has a sleep over at Grandma's tomorrow so we can..breathe for a minute. I am looking forward to the weekend and my reunion with the spin bike. More so for a good dripping shirt staining sweat. MMM.. sounds good. Well I mostly just wanted a reason to post that picture cause he is so dang cute. I love my little boy, he is so sweet and such a good baby. I think someone knew I needed a good sweet mellow baby to even out the constant chipmunk voice that is always running. Oh, if you need a good cd try The Bravery or Melee, both are highly recommendable. One more thing: I heard my song from Band Of Horses on One Tree Hill (not that I actually watch that show.....).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!

Happy Birthday! I wish you weren't at work so we could celebrate a little better, but nothing some good old Thai food can't fix, right?

I love you.

Pictures And More Pictures

So why is it that Piper drives me insane most days but then when I send her on a play date with my friends and their kids I worry like crazy and miss her? I have really only sent her with her grandparents to go do stuff and the occasional hour or two babysit by my sisters, but the packing her up in someone else's car and sending her out in the world under someone else's watch about put me in tears. Post partum hormones maybe? I officially can't have my kids grow up if I am going to worry this much.

Those were pictures from last week, Sonya and Piper trying to get some of their cabin fever out of their system before April and I pulled our hair out. Also shown is Oliver at the Super Bowl gathering. I have some of him making out with Piper's baby doll..... But lucky for him I didn't post them. I think I will wait and post them with Eli pushing the baby in the stroller with the purse on!