Adding To The List Of Things I Never Thought I'd Do...

Been surprising myself over and over again with my so un-Toni like behavior. As these things are piling up in my mind I figured I better jot them down before they are considered part of my long term memory storage retrievable indefinitely.

1) Buy jars for canning.. AND ACTUALLY CAN.
2) Make homemade jam
3) Make a blanket, then buy MORE fabric for another one.
4) Let my daughter paint the town red in a Minnie Mouse costume.
5) Start a business.
6) Plan weeks worth of meals (BORING).
7) Be excited when I only spend 37$ on a weeks worth of dinners.
8) Read my Everyday Food before my Glamour magazine.
9) Rather clean than get ready for the day.
10) Be considering a boob job. Not actually, just thinking how nice it could be......TMI?
11) Run, without being in a hurry or chased by a bad guy.
12) Find something to replace The Oc (ALMOST).
13) Consider being pregnant AGAIN.. not wanting.. just considering it a possibility someday.

TOTALLY RAD!

Yep I can say things like TOTALLY RAD about this. I SAW HER AT THE GATEWAY THIS WEEKEND! Re read it if you don't believe me! Yeah we were there on a special date (thanks Danelle and Alex) and Jake pointed her out and I followed her for a little. SO COOL! Oh Summer, how I miss you..... She must have been shopping for Seth.

BEST DAY EVER! It was seriously so cool. Would have been cooler if she seemed nice though...........

Exposing My Calluses

Ya ever just have one of those crappy days.... I did! Yesterday as a matter of fact. We won't go into details but there was some intense lack of sleep, some puke, some unwillingness to nap, a missed dinner, and a missed party, and a few fits in the store. But on with the point of the post. I was looking through pictures and came across this one this morning... Ah who could have a bad day? I mean does it really matter that I am in constant proximity to both of these cute faces AT ALL TIMES OF EVERYDAY. I mean, at least they are cute.

There is one thing (among the many) I have learned as a mom, that I am retaught and retaught time and time again. Life is not for us anymore, it's for them and the well being of our family. I think that is one of the amazing things about us moms whether we like it or not some of the time we are so strong and often callused. I was thinking of all the ways I have changed in the recent years and one thing that kept coming up was almost that I seemed numb. Not numb in a bad way.. almost like I don't feel like I used to. I believe it's a lot of maturity, but also the fact that my feelings are far down the line pertaining to the feelings and needs that matter. I have learned to deal with them on my own and sometimes just push them aside. I mean they are just after all feelings not high on the list of what is relevant in life. I always thought it was weird that my mom never cried. Like she was callused and didn't feel. But I understand now that I am a mom. It's not that you don't feel it's just that you are callused, strong, mature, and trying to be unselfish. We form those calluses over our thoughts and wants sometimes so that they are more numb and we can ignore them when they sting us with their presence. I think as parents we are so amazing for how much we sacrifice, how little we take care of ourselves sometimes, and how frequently we put asides our needs and just slide them off into never never land. And it's so worth it to give to these cute sweet little faces and the moments when you catch one of them being nice to the other without being told.

Special Moment: My First Tag

I have never done a tag, but my hilarious college friend ,Ashley did this one so I thought hey, I am almost as weird as her so I'll do it too :) I have so many weird things about me this is so easy.

1) I am also OCD with cleaning. I clean the toilet and around the toilet a million times a day, no seriously.. at least three or four times. It will help when I have my own bathroom :) I clean the steering wheel of whatever car I drive before I drive it. I disinfect the remote all the time. I wash everything.. ALOT.

2) I have to have the second Diet Coke bottle back in the line of them at the store. I have done this since walking to Terrace Depot. I started cause I thought it was colder the farther back they were, but now it's just something I have to do because it's unlucky not to..

3) Have to restart the odometer EVERYTIME I get gas. atch out.

4) I must talk to my brother everyday. It weirds me out if he isn't in the top twenty of my phone recent calls when I scroll down.
5) I really like to do laundry. Ironing included.

6) I wear sunscreen, spf 70, on my face, everyday. Rain, snow, shine.. even if I am not going anywhere. I am sort of a freak about the skin on my face.

7) I have to have chocolate everyday. Can be substituted for Cutler's sugar cookies.

My Runner's Analogy

I went for a run the other night, by myself, and so I got to do some reflecting. Throughout the whole summer I have ran with my dear friend. Running without her was not an option because it was too darn hard to go alone and I wouldn't care to make it far enough. That is how it has been since I had Piper, but I went the other night alone. All those early tired mornings after staying up all night with a baby, pushing myself, watching my accomplishments have all led up to that night for me. Running through the leaves in the brisk air alone, quick, multiple miles, no music. A huge accomplishment for me. For some, maybe not so much, but for me to be able to do the miles, at the pace I did, I never would have guessed I'd be there. My grandma always tells me "IT AIN"T EASY." She wrote me a letter and just said that and told me to put it up on my fridge so I can always see it. When she raised her four daughters alone that saying was on her fridge for years.

As such with life. It ain't easy. But it's worth it. I can see that through my running. It wasn't easy, all those early mornings. Most nights I was up with Beckett many times dealing with ear problems, but I went anyways. And now here I am. Addicted, fit, strong, and much more confident in my accomplishments. I think it is with anything that is worth it. It ain't easy.

Throughout every stage in life we encounter things that are hard, no matter their severity. Whether it's the loss of a first love, a broken friendship, marriage adjustments, raising children, selecting worth while friends.. it all at times ain't easy. But with persistence and a clear mind stepping out of the now into the big picture. We can make good decisions and see the long term benefit of whatever we are doing.

So now... I think I'll go for a run before it snows :)

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See pictures of yesterday.

If This Doesn't Make You Want To Buy A Truck.....

If you let me take pictures of you like this, what do you expect? I thought my brother looked pretty stellar in a suit today so I took the opportunity to take some pictures.. since he is so photogenic and all. I think this could sale some Toyotas, if our family doesn't already own them all.



Sorry for the monotony if you check both blogs, the majority of people only check this one.. so if you check my second blog.. you may see some things twice.