A Thoughtful Friday

Don't fear your best friends, because a best friend would never try to do you wrong.
And don't fear your worst friends, because a worst friend is just a
best friend that's done you wrong.
And don't fear the night time, because the monsters know you're divine.
And don't fear the sunshine, because everything is better in the summertime.

Don't fear the water, because you can swim inside you within your skin.
And don't fear your father, because a father's just a boy without a friend.
And don't fear to walk slow, don't be a horse race, be a marathon.
And don't fear the long road, because on the long road you got a long time to sing a simple song.

But it's never too late to start the day over,
it's never too late, pick up the phone.
You know it's never too late to lay your head down on my shoulders,
it's never too late just come on home

Don't fear your teachers, because if you listen you can hear music in a school bell.
And don't fear your own self, paying money to justify your worth.
And don't fear your family, because you chose them along time before your birth.

Don't fear your best friends, because a best friend would never try to do you wrong. Hold to your children, hold to your children, hold to your children, let them know.

This is a song by Michael Franti called It's Never Too Late. It was given to me by one of the people I respect and look up to the most. I often play it when I need to filter out noise and mess that is all around me.
I feel so conflicted in life a lot of times. Being torn between what's "popular" and what's true to me and what's best for my children. It's sad that they aren't all pointing in the same direction. More so than not I feel like I am being torn in twenty different ways at all times. It's so hard to clean out the noise that is every where around me and try to stay true to who I am and what I am trying to become, which in turn is the goal of what I am trying to teach my children to become. As I grow as a person and a mother I am learning the organic truth about myself and other people.
I am becoming more internal which makes the relationships that I am open in more meaningful. Being true to who you are and what your goals are is hard and it's important to decide what's important to you long before you are faced with people and problems that will challenge it. Otherwise faced with adversity and the pressure of what other's think you might cave. I will be forever grateful for all the gut wrenching, soul searching times I have had in my life, particularly before I was married that gave me strength and depth that makes me who I am. Sometimes I have wrongly cursed it, feeling like it makes it hard for me to connect with most people, but now I know otherwise. It's a special gift that makes me prioritize the relationships in my life and weed out the ones that don't have a real connection to me.
I am striving to be grounded and non influenced therefore it's important to me to be around those that support that and don't make me feel weak and compromising of my goals. It will always be hard because everyone wants to be liked and popular. I believe insecurity is hurtful and not to be trusted. But the why's of what I do are for my own happiness and mainly to set a good example for my children like my grandma and mom have taught me.
Life is such a marathon and I love that. I love seeing the slow progress and growing that happens within me. I love knowing I have so much farther to go and I look forward to getting older and knowing I will be that much closer to what I strive to be. I am far from perfect and far from knowing what the heck I am doing half the time but what I do know is I am true to myself and as long as I can say that I can hold my head up high.
Moments of self contemplation are really hard with little children. It's hard not to feel like you are losing yourself when you don't have one second to just sit and BE. We are always bustling around, go go go.. and what what what little children? I love to put on some good music while I cook or buzz around the house and get in my zone and feel me, be me. I don't have time to compose a perfectly organized blog post that makes total sense, I just wanted to share my thoughts and document them so I'd have them here and maybe just possibly so someone else can benefit or relate.