Monday Reflecting

I have a love hate relationship with Mondays, as I am sure most people do. It's a new start to being organized, cooking better meals, being better, doing more, getting ahead, and starting over. Every week we get this refresh. Or the nagging sense that it's another week of falling short, being behind, feeling overwhelmed, and not being good enough for anyone, especially yourself. Whichever the glass falls, half full or half empty, it's Monday.

My Monday has started off with an worse very bad nights sleep (thanks again Lou), followed by a really fussy morning morning with her, and really bad cramps (TMI?). And it's only 10.

I can't figure out much about Indie and why she is so intense, whether it's negative energy not being able to be released (an explanation in another post), lack of nutrition, or just plain high maintenance. However, I have learned one thing, and conference solidified it.

I can't do this alone. I can't raise these kids properly, and up to what they deserve alone. My humanity isn't going to cut it. It has barely this far. The lack of sleep, the all day marathon, the difficult 4 year old, the baby in my arms ALL DAY, the high shrill crying....on and on. I didn't grow up in the church so as common sense as this may come to some people, doesn't to me. When things are hard I search inside, I don't look up.
When you look up it opens up a whole different aspect of falling short and judgment though. All the things you NEED to be doing, in order to be doing it right. Reading, praying, temple, FHE, church, service, just to name the obvious stuff. That doesn't include what's inside us.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, for you. If you're reading, but for me I think it's signifying that this particular Monday is a more hopeful Monday. A different kind of fresh start brought on by a nice conference, a hard night, and what looks to be, a hard day. But I am glad, nonetheless that I am sitting in my pajamas with some annoying loud toy playing, a peanut playing with his oatmeal and a baby asleep in her swing. Or maybe I am just glad she is asleep......for now.

"I'm a stinker. Don't let the cuteness fool you."